You know I have realized that I suck at playing the game of life. I can’t sit and watch a killing on the news without wondering why it couldn’t have been resolved. I can’t walk past a crying child without my heart breaking and my hand reaching out to see what I can do to help them. I haven’t been so broken by power so that I will kneel before any human or so diluted by money and fame that I would use another person for a stepping stone. I will never be that one who answers yes just to climb a ladder to please someone. I refuse to manipulate other people’s feelings to benefit my own desires. I cannot in good faith cast unreachable goals and dangle pr.omises I can’t fulfill so that others will pave my own roads.
I don’t think I could ever put my life before my wife and children’s lives. I can’t fathom hurting them to help myself. When I see a homeless person I cannot turn a blind eye and pretend I didn’t notice them. When I see hungry animals I still look for food in my car. When I see a burnt house I feel sadness for the memories and joy lost there. I realize that I am really bad at the games people play. The way they look past what is to see what they choose. How they pretend to love others when they are really loving only themselves. I am not able to compete on a level where the pain of others is the pleasures of mine. I am aware that I will never win at this game. I will never improve in the methods by which it’s played. If life is lived as it is to be, I never will get any better, and for that I am thankful